can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
