I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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