You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
