i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
