Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How naked do you want me to be?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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