While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I need to align my fucking chakras
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
