Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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