why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
