he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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