just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
