I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
