I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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