Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
