shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
