What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
