You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
