I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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