Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
