Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize