Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
