Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can't put those talents on a resume
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
