the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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