I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
