The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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