i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize