I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
