Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
