TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
