Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
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