I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
