Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
