After last night, I could never be a politician.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
