You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
