i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
