Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
A bitchslap is in order.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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