I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
NoShamevember. You game?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
