Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You need a sexual gate keeper
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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