She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize