Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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