a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
