i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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