Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize