All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
