I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
