I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
