wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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