i just wanna soil my oats bro
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
false alarm, still single
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
