I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
