so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
