if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
50% drunk capacity currently
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
