Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
