Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
