remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
