spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
