We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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