I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize