i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
