I just saw a hot homeless man
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
