please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
