Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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