so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
