It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
