She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
