Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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