new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
