Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
