He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
