Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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