He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
