If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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