would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize